She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
