And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have already put on my inside pants.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
