trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
