How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
