he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
