She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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