I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
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She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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