My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
