when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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