Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
