College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
