She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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