At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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