What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
