i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
