Where did you get a picture of my penis
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
