The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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