I'd wear matching sweaters with you
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
