Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
