But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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