just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Randomize
