I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
