Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
