yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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