i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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