i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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