Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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