Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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