I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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