whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
