Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
