i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
