ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
