Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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