can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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