Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
They have beer where we have blood.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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