Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
