I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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