Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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