you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
