She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
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