Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
two words...techno handjob
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
