I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
