I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
