I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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