hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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