Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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