I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's never too late to be topless.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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