Plan B is the new Plan A
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
