I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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