There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
