The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
vagina is talking i cant
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My dick has a subreddit
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
