I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
