Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
