i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
