if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
