I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
