Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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