Whod you bang
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
