I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
