Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
