Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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