i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
