are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
