p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
