I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
