Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
