Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize