She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
