what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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