doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
