just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
