woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
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Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
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my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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