"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
