Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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